I have no idea what is wrong with me recently, but coming on here to write is a challenge for me. I am definitely in a rut and I am struggling to get out of it! All of my motivation has kinda gone out of the window since leaving Budapest, but that’s only because I have zero inspiration around me. Don’t get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE the countryside, but when you’re stuck here (no car, no money and nothing to actually do) it really does takes its toll on you.
It’s been two weeks since we arrived back on home soil and we have had a week of well needed TLC. This week we have been paying our dues by helping our folks out in the garden for them. It’s the least we can do and it has actually been really fun. We got out DIY skills out and made a wooden footpath, and I am surprised to say it looks great (shh, don’t tell Luke – haha)!
Been out in the sticks though is a weird feeling. I have been thinking more and more about how much the last 6 months has changed me as a whole and all the good and bad things that have happened. I definitely learnt a lot about myself and I am going to share with you five things that are a pretty big deal to me, and what I only recently realised are true.
1 – it’s ok to fail sometimes
Now, don’t take this the wrong way. It is never ok to feel like a failure. This is something I was worried wouldn’t budge, but it has and I am more open about failing at more things in life. I am now 24 and I am most definitely not where I thought I would be at this age. I always say how life has its own way of giving you a new path from time to time, and this is mine.
I honestly thought I would feel like a failure for the longest time, but honestly, I felt like a failure for about 2 seconds and that’s all. I realised it was silly to think that way because it’s definitely not true. I feel honoured to have people around me that are proud for what me and Luke have done and that not many people would make the jump we made (especially with the debt we have racked up between us)!
2 – I’m a lot stronger than I thought
Continuing on from my last point, I was so surprised at how I was able to handle the situation. Of course I got super emotional from time to time, but that is only human after all. When it really came down to it, I cracked on with everything and moved on with the situation. I definitely don’t think I would have been as calm as I was if I hadn’t had Luke by my side. He has been an absolute rock in all of this and he’s the only reason I have been so calm.
I genuinely didn’t think I could leave Budapest and we did everything we could to end up staying, but when it really came down to it, I knew I could leave and it really wasn’t the end of the world. One thing I always refer back to, is how hard high school was for me, and how I thought it was the worst time of my life. Those 5 years have no relevance to me anymore, and they’re just a dot in my mind. Thinking about how I somehow survived that and 8 years later it seems like nothing, it put my current situation in perspective and I understood it really isn’t the be all and end all for me.
3 – things are just things
I’ve spoken a lot about clearing out my wardrobe and de-cluttering my life but I am going to rant about this some more. I honestly cannot believe how much happier I feel when I get stuck in and completely throw away (give to charity or family) most of my belongings. I used to have more stuff than Luke, and somehow he has now beaten me and is in the lead with how many clothes he has. It’s insane! I do still have more shoes though, but that’s a given.
My make up, brushes, skin care and nail varnishes now fit into one bag! They used to all have their own bags, sometimes two or three, so this to me was one of the things I was most proud of. One thing about getting rid of possessions, is that they’re just that, possessions that we don’t really need. I’ve made a vow to not get anymore stuff, unless it is something that I really need. For example, birthday’s and christmas’ I would much rather have an experience, or what me and Luke have said we are going to do, is get each other tattoos for gifts instead. Something that is there for life. My birthday was last week… so I’m owed a tattoo and I cannot wait to get it. I know what I want and I’m itching to get it on me! Stay tuned…
4 – no one else cares
This one sounds really bad, but trust me when I say it, it’s true. One of my biggest concerns was the fact that I would look like a failure to not only myself, but my friends and family would also think the same. That wasn’t true. No one really cared if we did well or if we didn’t at the end of the day, some people didn’t even know what was going on, and when they found out, they didn’t even show a hint of concern.
All that matters to me now is that I am safe and I am having fun, I don’t need to worry about anyone else, because we ride this life alone. And to be honest, I’m more than ok about it!
This isn’t a big dweller, this is merely here to remind me to not be so concerned about what other people think of me and my life. Everyone has their own issues to deal with and unless it affects them personally, no one is bothered about what you do.
5 – it’s only the beginning
More and more adventures await me and Luke, and one of the best things about coming home is that we can solely work on making those dreams a reality and get out there and adventure for as long as we can, without hitting any major financial bumps in the road. It really is the start of something new (if you get the reference, we can be BFFs) and I am thrilled it’s happening so soon.
We are waiting for the right time to announce to you all our new plans, but once it’s feasible, this will be the first place I share it.
The excitement is real right now. It’s hard to keep our heads up and not get down right now, but we have a roof over our head and we have time to build ourselves up. For now, we’re good, but we can’t wait to be great.