Who else gets dressed in a morning, feeling extremely confident in what you’re wearing, then all of a sudden you step out of the four walls keeping you safe and you immediately wish you put on something more plain and simple?
All the heads are turning towards you, people looking you up and down, and whispering to whoever is walking by their side. Some of the time no one is even looking but it feels like they are, those little eyes in the back of your head can feel them staring when you walk past, even though you can’t see them staring, you just know that they are.
I feel like this most of the time, whether I am dressed up for a night out or if I have just woken up 10 minutes before and walking Luke to work at 7:30 in a morning in what I consider the most comfortable outfit ever. No matter what I wear, I feel like I am being judged.
Why does it feel like everyone is thinking the worst of you? I am a sucker for always assuming this when sometimes, someone could actually really love what I am wearing. Getting into that head space is what I have found most difficult, but I have got to a point in my life where I don’t feel like this every time I step outside.
When I was a teenager, I dyed my hair with blonde highlights. I was so scared of dying my hair, but I knew it was something I really wanted to do at the time. I did it in time for Prom. It turns out I happen to dye my hair for every relatively big occasion in my life.
Eventually, before I went to uni, I decided to get dip dye, and dye the whole of the bottom blonde. With me getting highlights, it was practically blonde anyway, as when you keep getting more highlights you always end up dying a bit more hair each time. I just wanted it more bold. So that’s exactly what I did and I loved it. It was such a huge jump and I was so proud of myself for doing it.
As uni went on and as I got more skint and would rather spend my money on nights out, I bought box dye and ended up bleaching my hair myself. This was great for the in the moment result, but after a year or two my hair hated me for it.
Just before graduation, I knew I did not want horrifically self dip dyed hair for my life long graduation photos, so I took the plunge to go to Umberto Giannini in Selfridges where I worked at the time and have my whole hair not only dyed, more blended out the blonde and put more brown in to neutralise the chaos I had caused, but also chopped off. I had relatively long hair, but it was so thin that the ends looked awful and all the bleaching did not go in its favour.
So I got it cut short and hair a complete restyle and the ladies in the salon did a wonderful job.
Ever since then I have had my hair cut shorter and shorter until it grew out to the length it is now. With that I had my natural mousey brown hair, which was nice to have for 2 years since graduating. But I got bored of it very quickly, just like when I was a teenager, I knew it was time for a change.
I had always contemplated going red, and I moved to Budapest and decided this was the perfect time to do it. So I did it. And I love it. I have never been more happy with how my hair looks. Yes, I do have a fringe, which in reality did look a lot better a few years ago, so I am in the current action of growing it out and I am hating the awkward stage right now. I’m just tempted to cut it back in and stick with it but I never wore it down when I had a fringe anyway so I know there’s no point in that.
Now it is red, i’m just excited to get the style to how I want. There’s so much more potential and I’m looking forward to seeing what happens!
When I decided to move to Budapest, I had so many people tell me it was going to be a decision I would regret and that I was acting in the moment and I should be careful.
They could not have been anymore wrong. I am discovering who I am as a person out here, doing what I want to do with the freedom and support from family.
It’s all I could have ever wanted and more. I want to encourage ANYONE who reads this to do the same.
Anyway, back to the point.
All I am basically saying is do what you want to do and wear what you want to wear.
You. Do. You.