SETTING MYSELF NEW GOALS

This post is a little bit personal but one that I hope you can understand. I don’t want any hate or backlash against this as this is a personal decision for me and I need to think about my own self sanity when it comes to this particular topic.

For me, it’s time I take action.

I have always considered myself overweight. Even back at university, when I was surrounded by so many gorgeous girls who were all size 6, I was the girl who was a size 10. I look back at myself and regret ever making those remarks because I know for a fact I was not fat then, but why did I feel that way?

I have always compared my body to other peoples around me, and never fully felt comfortable in my own skin. A few months after graduation, I could feel myself start to gain weight. This is very significant to me as I felt appalled that my favourite trousers no longer fitted me.

Something that I didn’t take into consideration at the time, was that I had been suffering from more migraines than usual, especially throughout the last year at uni. Stress triggers them, and more often than not I ended up in hospital for a week at a time recovering.

The doctors asked what kind of birth control pill I was on, and not knowing the difference between any of them, I said the most basic one, Microgynon. Which is what they automatically put you on as long as you fit all of the specifications.

Not really keeping track of my headaches, I thought back long and hard and realised I had suffered them since high school, mostly being sick in class, or having to lay down for an hour during lunch in the nurses office. I got sent home more often than I liked, and of course this led to my mum thinking I was faking them. Until recently, I realised they got worse as I turned 16, and that was the time I just went onto the pill.

I was on that exact pill until 2016. 6 whole years on this pill, and with that along were increasingly growing migraines. Without my knowledge, this pill was bad for me. So bad that the nurse said if I had continued to be on that same pill with the symptoms I was having, I could have ended up having a stroke. I panicked a lot. It’s always wise to research what kind of pills you’re on, and if you do struggle with any kind of symptoms, raise them to the nurse and see if there are any alternatives that feel better for you. I went 6 years suffering.

The doctors recommended I tried a new type of pill, or the rod. I liked to know I was in control, so I opted for the pill. After all, I had been on it 6 years without any issues so I knew that’s what I wanted to do. This time they put me on Feanolla. I have been on that pill ever since. A year and a half, and that is when things really took a turn for the worst for me.

I gained weight rapidly. I have always had a terrible diet, so I knew the foods I was eating of course couldn’t help, but throughout uni I lived on Pasta’n’Sauce, Galaxy chocolate (you know those real large bars you can sometimes pick up for £3 in Tesco? Those) and toast. Sometimes Nutella or melted Galaxy on toast. I had thee worst diet in history. Yet I was still stick thin. Maybe the stress and long hours and no sleep contributed, but still.. if I ate that now I would triple in size!

Around 6 months after being on this new pill, I had pretty much grown out of all my old clothes. I was devastated. I didn’t know what I could do that was any different to what I had known in the last 4 years of my life. Of course I knew I needed to change up my diet, but even so, the weight kept coming. I had a feeling the pill was largely to do with this, as I had most of the other side effects too. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t go on any other pill. I had to stay on it, or come off and rely on other contraception.

In October 2016, I joined a gym, working my little butt off and I still couldn’t see anything physically changing. This left me feeling worse and not wanting to go back. What was the point in putting in all that effort if I wasn’t going to see any results from it? I had that membership right until I left to Budapest, and i’m not ashamed to admit that I probably went once a month (if that) just to make myself feel that little bit better about paying for it. There was one week before I went on a work holiday, that I actually started working out 2/3 times a day, and ate next to nothing. Chicken and veg, chicken and veg, and chicken and veg. It was bland and it was boring. But I actually noticed a difference. This was working. I felt great! Then during the holiday the mojitos took over and once I got back all my motivation was thrown out of the window as I had just piled the weight straight back on again.

Fast forward to 2018.

This time, I want to stick to a diet and to a regime. Instead of starting off too difficult, plus we don’t have any affordable gyms out here, me and Luke have decided to do a 30 day challenge every month. Today we are starting with Burpees. I will take before photos and after the 30 days I will take photos then. Then onto the next month, that could be squats, lunges, planks… we haven’t decided yet, but I will do the same throughout each challenge and post mid month updates.

I want to feel better about myself. I want to be able to wear all of my old clothes again. I want to be able to go out in my swimming costume and feel good about myself instead of hiding. I want to be sexy again.

 

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